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mp3 [13.7 MB] | Appears on Spring Cleaning
I sent a manuscript to a publishing house and they threw it away
I followed up with a phone call and they said they’re not interested
not today
they said keep it up
don’t abandon your dreams
you’ve got talent and potential
more ambition than common sense, perhaps
but you knew that, right?
mp3 [5.17 MB] | Appears on re-Itori Pleads the 18th Dimension
wake up, teenage sleepyhead
it’s time for Killer Dustman Driver’s Ed
he’ll teach you how to run people over
screams barely heard above the hum of the motor
KD is made out of ski slope snow
keeps the AC at forty below
"forty below what," you ask
forty below zero now stay on task
"sorry, do you mean Fahrenheit or Centigrade? "
it’s cold just buckle up, comprende?
throwing coins as you fly through the toll booth
custom sign says student teacher on the roof
like I said he’s made out of ski slope snow
fresh out of the blower and he’s raring to go
you can’t pack it eat it or put it in your mitten
shake hands with him you’ll get frostbitten
no corn cob pipe he’s smoking a bowl
gettin baked but not melted is the dustman’s goal
traffic laws are just rigamarole
they don’t have traffic laws at the North Pole
a pitstop for grub at the fast food drive-through
teacher’s pets get lead in their shoe
please use sunscreen, please wear shades
as we bounce down the arcades
all hail the Killer Dustman
never cross a double yellow line
unless it’s to bounce off a cyclist or street sign
that’s what you get for jaywalking
chalk traces of bodies keep police cadets talking
silhouettes of victims’ bones
other driving schools use traffic cones
Killer Dustman can’t be bothered to shave
stubble gonna grow till he’s in his grave
Killer Dustman lost his job driving a bus
it’s like a big game of Simon Says
except that Simon always says
Simon the Dustman wears a bright red fez
his cheat sheet book has so many pages
black double diamond level flat
bet you never thought of such a thing as that
put your hands at ten and two o clock
shock absorbers absorbing 90 percent of the shock
parallel parking with the radio blasting classic rock
cops pop out of the woodwork on a black diamond
mind your peripheral vision and you’ll impress Simon
so fun crushing pedestrians you’ll never meet
lesson’s done and he drops you off on the street
sea salt on snacks is his Achilles’ heel
still he’s a maniac behind the wheel
then it’s back to the ski resort for rejuvenation
leaving powder trails and echoes of radio station
time to cram for the final exam of the Killer Dustman
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