( | # | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | Y
mp3 [3.24 MB] | Appears on Music for a Snuff Film
I didn’t do anything wrong and neither did you
sunsets make you cry
you’re a stupid little girl
why don’t you play with your dolls and leave me alone?
if I change my mind, I’ll let you know
you think that you’re cute when you’re mad
you put me to sleep
we weren’t meant to be
throw your horoscope away
if I let you down, don’t blame me
mp3 [22.43 MB] | Ninth track on Winning Is Rhyming (continuous mix)
yo, yo, I go to parties uninvited wearing cargo pants
they always let me through the door without a second glance
I wear a pink collared shirt and I blend right in
also have a soul patch glued to my chin
so what’s in the pockets, you might ask
table salt, leather gloves, a ski mask, and a hip flask
if it’s a bad neighborhood I bring a handgun
whatever it takes to get the job done
step one find a dude who’s mackin’ on chicks
better yet playing cards with girls and doing magic tricks
step two throw some salt in his face
yell "salt in the game!" then find a hiding place
hit as many victims as you can
and don’t forget to memorize the exits from a copy of the floor plan
if the cops come, make like a tree
it’ll take a few tries till you can salt game correctly
now you may say these chicks are flat
as if I care about things like that
now you may say these chicks are flat
as if I care about things like that
I don’t do it for attention, God tells me to
he says "thou shalt salt game, alright, or I’m gonna smite you"
big talk, but God wouldn’t lie
I’ll be his servant till I retire to the salt mine in the sky
mp3 [2.64 MB] | Appears on Live Inside an Active Volcano
when’s the last time science helped an old lady cross the street?
when’s the last time science put shoes on an orphan’s feet?
science is nice and all and test tube babies are cute
but science ain’t nothing to write home about
religion won’t cure your neighbor of a terminal disease
or keep that neighbor’s dog from having heart attacks or fleas
religion works on paper but it somehow leaves me cold
religion doesn’t warrant writing home
when’s the last time money brought a loved one back to life?
why do the rich and famous still have strife?
money buys you happiness but neither lasts for long
and happiness won’t pay for postage
art doesn’t stop me from having suicidal thoughts
or distract me from the fact that i feel like I’m a robot
art is nice to look at but my vision’s not so great
art money religion science religion money art
science! religion! money! art!
science! religion! money! art!
science! religion! money! art!
science! religion! money! art!
scientific laws and theorems aren’t getting any truer
religious texts aren’t getting any newer
art money art money, science religion and art
mp3 [3.39 MB] | Appears on Poorest Almanac That Ever Lived
honorable mention at the science fair
parent or guardian made my volcano
baking soda
salt and vinegar
sour cream and onion
a potato can power a digital clock
copper electrode
copper zinc diode
get a load of my calculator watch and this clock backpack
high correlation between wearing them and getting punched out
human nature on a scatterplot
don’t talk to me about clocks
I got clocks out the yin yang
for most everyone there it was a sex romp
that girl with braces with the specs so thick
you could see light refracting
the closest I got to getting laid was a school trip chaperone tried to share my hotel room
no matter how many hands you stick down your pants you’ll still be a virgin
now get out there and be someone or else
elasticity of rubber bands in milk
skim, 1 percent, 2 percent, whole, half and half
hypothesis, variable, data, control
among learned men an apprentice emerges
to carry the flame
to take the baton
all these paragons of the search for truth in their free time read about goblins
then from the concession stand
a pickled dove and tuna fish sandwich
a single graffito in a toilet stall
one need not multiply entities
if knew now what I knew then I could cure AIDS and cancer
inkblot test for lefties and righties
innies and outies
due to a sample pool all prepubescent
no discernible pattern
no criticism, however severe, could shake my delusions of grandeur
mp3 [X MB] | Appears on Bride of the Inventionist
science science science science science science science science science science science science science science science
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science science science science overrated
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mp3 [8.46 MB] | Appears on Autumnal Jams
he sticks his grimy penis in her slimy vagina
they can’t do it all the time
only when they both wanna
it’s not a all-night diner
digging a hole straight through to China
you heard of Jules Verne?
family jewels burn
prow of a ship ocean liner
he groans like a tractor
she moans like a schoolgirl
love was a factor
still he said "are we cool girl?"
she said "I’ve never I’ve never really done this before"
he said "that’s okay, neither have I
I put a tarp on the floor"
they groaning and moaning
moaning and groaning
phoning it in the original sin
zoning out sperm banks not loaning
state militia flown in tasked with boosting seratonin
smooth jazz and slow jams from the bargain bin
what just happened?
he stuck a little baby in her honeypot
it felt too good to pull out
it felt too good to stop
in the adult film biz that’s called a moneyshot
the end, ellipsis, dot dot dot
it smelled like mint and sweat but not spermicide bona fide
a wooden roller coaster is a rickety ride
at one month it’s the size of Rhode Island
I didn’t say say cheese
why are you smiling?
after two months it’s as big as New Hampshire
if sex is the question life is the answer
another month yet Delaware
no sales tax
she can’t remember her last period
only reporting the facts
four months New England
five as big as all outdoors
then it’s as big as the universe
wormholes as umbilical cords
remember that night we were down on all fours?
you backing up like a student tour guide giving campus tours
reminiscing when we were kissing seven months ago
we tore up the kitchen
net result there’s a embryo
you miscarried, I got scared
I guess life’s not fair
when it comes to misery we’ve had our share
we convince ourselves we didn’t want the baby anyway
frozen in time like a scene from Pompeii
now you say you’re celibate
can’t stand the thought or smell of it
I don’t blame you at all
maybe can we try again someday?
growing up, fast flag at half mast
if only we could make our best moments last
your jigsaw puzzle resembles its box
smooth on the outside
inside as smooth as peace talks
you got that bagel with cream cheese
I’m bringing the lox
children at a slumber party sharing chicken pox
my tattoo is true
your tattoo is false
what a paradox
what’s this about biological clocks?
oh, look at the calendar it’s Spring Equinox
it’s Fall Equinox
you know what that means
mp3 [6.71 MB] | Appears on Album, Overrated
a werewolf took out his smelly werepenis and started jerking off all over an Egyptian lady mummy
oh my gosh, this is the least two-dimensional weremember I’ve ever seen
I wonder how her stanky skanky sarcophogagina tastes with all that mummy juice and bandages all up in her
they decided to get married and the rest of this you know from reading the history books
mp3 [3.67 MB] | Appears on Greg Reinfeld & the Opinionettes
it’s been a long time since I cried
it’s been a long time since I seen the sky
better wait your turn, honey
rules is rules
the noise you hear is just an illusion
caused by the peace and quiet you’ve grown accustomed to
and when you wake up
you’ll realize nothing was painful
except the light your window let inside
it’s been a long time since I cried
it’s been a long time since I seen the sky
there’s a lot to learn and a lot to lose
your head seems clear despite the confusion
so many kind-hearted people put their trust in you
please don’t forsake them
they put food on your table
so do what’s right
let their conscience be your guide
all your worries is a layer of skin
keep ’em thoughtful long enough
they’ll up and separate
mp3 [3.11 MB] | Appears on No Destination
six hours from home and I’m further from myself somehow
I trip on a pool of mud and my reflection slowly fades away
please don’t masturbate in public restrooms
other people want to use them too
when you’re sitting in the stall and there’s nasty on the wall
there ain’t not much that you can do
six hours from home and the distance wrecked my head
future’s expectations and history’s just lies
time’s really nothing when you look into his empty eyes
mp3 [3.99 MB] | Appears on Times New Reinfeld
get the foreman
tell the mine boss
ask somebody why
hazard pay won’t feed my family
hang knots won’t untie
at least I’m keeping dry
at least I’m keeping dry
retrofitted limestone caverns keep me underground
I once was lost and still am lost and never will be found
mine shafts jungles wide
mine shafts jungles wide
you in the suit
so relaxed
I envy you your loot but I don’t envy you your taxes
the captain of my submarine is mysterious and mean
wanders the deck with a loaded revolver
prisoners stacked so high
prisoners stacked so high
play one in the key of Spanish please before I go
our secret’s safe as safe can be
Heaven calls me nigh
Heaven calls me nigh
you up above
having your fiesta in the clouds
I envy you your chips but I don’t envy you your salsa
to lie alone on the length of the pier
a wooden plank narrow as shoulders
staring out at the Caspian Sea
horde for oneself what was not shared with others
in hindsight that was a magnificent craft
and I don’t fancy getting my knees wet
so I’ll drop it in the water then paddle it out
Loch Ness or Michigan
take your pick
Lyrics on numbers page
mp3 [2.90 MB] | Appears on No Destination
don’t fall in love with someone else’s girl
’cause you know she won’t leave him
don’t think about it
fate has cast her spell
love’s an endless torment or at best a blissful hell
oh circumstance is blind and you’re a knife against the grain
philosophy’s the substitute for what we can’t explain
don’t tie your shoes if you can’t see the floor
’cause you know it means you’re falling
no reason for it till you hit the ground
gravity is pain
gravity is everything
mp3 [2.93 MB] | Appears on Recording Artist
what do we want?
forced misspellings
when do we want it?
now
what else do we want?
restoration of dirigibles
when do we want that?
as soon as possible
synchronize watches
57 58 59 go
people who like us
ask them for money
people who don’t
they can be persuaded
people who don’t care one way or the other
they’re the real enemy
let’s march on Washington
fill up your gas tanks
don’t drive too slow
opposition be hanged
forced misspellings
restoration
we will prevail
forced misspellings
e before i except after c
restoration
pretend my car is a dirigible
where we gonna eat?
not in a restaurant
where we gonna sleep?
not in a hotel
chain ourselves to the White House gate
we’re playing for keeps
forced misspellings
restoration of dirigibles
he wants to buy a pretzel
he wants to buy a pretzel off the street
he wants to buy a pretzel off the street so bad
he wants to buy a pretzel off the street
she wants to see the panda
she wants to see the panda at the zoo
she wants to see the panda at the zoo before it closes
she wants to see the panda eat bamboo
society of being realistic
society of facing the facts
sign this petition
here come news vans
let’s all hold hands
genies grant only so many wishes
P-E-T-I-T-O-N
get the bullhorn
P-E-T-I-S-H-U-N
get the bullhorn
what do we want?
forced misspellings
when do we want it?
now
what else do we want?
restoration of dirigibles
when do we want that?
sooner rather than later
send in three box tops with your last name first written in the secret code
mp3 [4 MB] | Appears on No Destination
why can’t a dead bird sing?
why can’t a blind man see?
why’s everyone loving life but me?
oh lord, answers I don’t know
how do you tell a wise man from a fool?
how do you tell a virgin from a whore?
blur the distinction like a snowy summer day
answers I don’t know
why can’t a penguin fly?
escape the arctic night
when you got no destination then the world is just a moment in time
’cause future’s expectations in historical disguise
not asking questions is where the answer lies
if I write a song about a girl she doesn’t care
but I learned my lesson now and I know that life’s unfair
see if I had my way, babe, you’d be right here by my side
love is just illusion so nothing is implied
mp3 [4.73 MB] | Appears on Greg Reinfeld & the Opinionettes
a group of West Point grads spoke out against the war
the school itself was having none of this
the words "West Point" were a registered trademark
used without permission
attorneys sent a cease and desist
to protect the academy’s reputation
this falls in the domain of private enterprise
when Uncle Sam controls the rights to Government names
how can we explicitly criticize?
from the desk of King Samuel the Concomitant
a to do list
get a trademark on the word trademark
and a patent on the word trademark
but not a trademark on the word patent
each time an attorney writes a cease and desist
I’ll get a royalty check
from King Samuel the Recalcitrant’s diary
Dear Diary
I refer you first to the amendments
section on speech
then to assemble and petition for redress of grievances
I refer you next to the Preamble
"We the People" jump ahead
more perfect union
who knew perfect was a relative term?
perfect minus perfect is zero
perfect over perfect is one
mp3 [3.4 MB] | Appears on Times New Reinfeld
I’m not as young as I used to be
each knee a maraca with one seed
a right goodly older than rookies in baseball
not nearly as old as a senator
but I don’t need your love
I’m too old to be living at home and too immature to be out on my own
I’m tethered so bad
I’m tethered so bad
carve this address on the head of my tombstone
my bones will know where to go if there’s reincarnation
there’s a black metal slide at the end of the ocean and a security guard
he won’t be bribed, tricked or persuaded just do what he says
I swapped my maracas for castanets
when my computer crashed I used four-track cassettes
I swear it’s no lo-fi punk affectation
I was just too lazy to buy a replacement
computer guts sit with their shells and fill up my bedroom
now I’m giving my albums away for free
nobody likes them except for me
bet they’d pay to have me leave them alone
how’s that for a racket?
I’ll buy a saxophone
honk to my heart’s content
holding quietude ransom
past the black metal slide is a silver one
a Russian, a Chinese and a Englishman
making small talk about a mutual friend
but that’s not why they’re there
mp3 [8.99 MB] | Appears on Tedium of Life on a Space Colony
sometimes I think the universe is mocking me
has any living creature ever been so alone?
I know when I’m not wanted
I can take a hint
I can feel it in my bones
imagine you once wrote an epic poem and nobody read or heard it
it was perfect, set in stone
you closed the circuit
you wish that you were blind like Homer or Milton so you wouldn’t have to see
misguided people reduce your work to mere elegy
or worse
limericks on a typewriter and you’re a chimpanzee
I imagine a trainwreck and a train crashes
I imagine famine and a drought happens
the tsunamis I conjure send islands the way of Atlantis
I imagine a revolt and peasants storm the palace
I’m not an observer
I’m an oracle
my mind is racing light-years a minute
every time you blink an eye I write another sonnet
it’s precisely that which defines me that causes me such pain
the way I define myself, I mean
to see before your very eyes, your work silhouetted, circumscribed
perforated, made into paper airplanes
what if all the pain you ever felt and ever will feel
you felt it all at once
except every waking moment you felt that amount?
still as a mountain, writhing
how often have you heard something you’ve said or thought or read?
I kept a voice-activated tape recorder by my bed
for five years I mumbled every dream I had and transcribed them to a file
the tape itself would stretch 33 kilometers or 20 miles
but who cares?
190,000 words
I can’t explain how much this hurts
watching echoes of my private world but who’d believe these dreams came first?
I’m on the verge of shredding and burning each page I’ve written
the only way to free myself from this poetic prison
unlike that impostor Nostradamus I’ll stand behind a promise
all I’ve predicted will come to fruition
except these weren’t predictions
they were hazy bursts of light
and the details might be wrong
but I got the essence right
any trace of what I’ve done erased
no longer my concern
last copy up in flames past the point of no return
among all possible worlds are there any where I’m happy?
mp3 [4.46 MB] | Appears on No Destination
I know you never loved me like you wanted me to love you
that’s why I’m leavin’ you behind
goin’ down to Charleston
get me some southern cuisine
goin’ down to Charleston
get me some southern cuisine
hospitality and brothels
grits and southern belles
a picnic on the river with the shrapnel and the shells
this used to be a battlefield but now the sky is clean
goin’ down to Charleston
get me some southern cuisine
would you cry if I left you?
’cause I don’t want to see your face again
would you cry if I left you?
’cause I don’t want to see your acne-ridden face again
goin’ to Arizona
get me southwestern cuisine
goin’ to Arizona
get some southwestern cuisine
the repetition’s killing me
it’s time for something new
pack my bags and leaving just to get away from you
my hunger’s disappearing
I’m drowning in routine
goin’ to Arizona
get some southwestern cuisine
I gotta clear my head from the storm you left inside
I don’t want your casserole till you swallow your pride
don’t get me wrong
I’m coming home some day
I think I love you
maybe I don’t
it’s just I got better things to do than waste my time
mp3 [22.43 MB] | Fifth track on Winning Is Rhyming (continuous mix)
lemme tell you how the astronaut got some
he bought a phat chick a bottle of rum
snuck it on the shuttle in his birthday suit
six condoms at the bottom of his boots
alls you get in outer space is just a thing of champagne
so it’s no wonder that our boy had liquor on the brain
what’s it like to be trashed and have nowhere to fall?
or to be heavy as a truck and weigh nothing at all?
she took off her jet pack and he finished the bottle
before long she started lookin’ like a supermodel
he threw up in her mouth and they got undressed
it was feeding time at momma bird’s nest
space cadet
rockin’ the hoes
space cadet
rotten panties on the floor
fat ones, skinny ones, shiny girls too
all them ladies tryin’ to get with you
now he’s on top and so is she
the metaphysical dilemma made ’em both kinda horny
he said "I love you" then chaos ensued
they started doin’ funky things with the freeze-dried food
back on Earth grade-school kids imitated what they saw
hash browns and underpants in every school cafeteria
parents were outraged
teachers went on strike
no one even wondered what the sex was like
dude thought it was a secret till he came back home
you could fill a small warehouse with the tabloids alone
he’s always had a problem with one-night stands
too bad he got caught by a space station webcam
hello, I speak Russian
do you speak Russian?
I speak Russian
do you speak Russian?
mp3 [4.71 MB] | Appears on Yodeler Mark One + 3
in a parallel world where everybody loves Nazis
companies hire Nazis to be their spokesmen
and in that parallel world I run a talent agency
for every contract signed I make a commission
first order of business
get me a stable of Nazis
find their gravesites
bring ’em back from the dead
the promise of gold is enough to seduce them
pupils dilate, mouths foam
then it’s back to my hot-air balloon
I’m searching far and wide
Istanbul to Argentina
all these maggoty corpses with blonde hair and blue eyes
before too long they’ll be on billboards and commercials
pushing clients’ products
telling their lies
Goebbels was well-read in the field of public relations
his debt to Americans cannot be denied
only fitting, then, that we turn the Third Reich’s tables against them
using their image and likeness for free market concerns
spruce up their uniforms
make those iron crosses shine
in the bubble bath they squirm like the Dickens
then I tie on fresh swastika armbands
look at them goosestep down the fashion show runway
those jeans scarves and sneakers are sure to fly off the shelves
toothpaste deodorant dandruff shampoo, musical instruments
solicitations for an animal shelter
move units
make money
make units
move money
at Spokesnazis, Inc., your kampf is mein kampf
give us a call and I’ll see what we can do
radio, print ads, in-store appearances
what have you got to lose?
mp3 [12.83 MB] | Appears on re-Itori Pleads the 18th Dimension
in a business park right down the street
there’s a place called Good News that’s a good place to eat
only trouble is you have to wait in line
it gets awfully crowded there at lunchtime
the building is white, you can’t miss it
follow the smell of shrimp in a basket
instead of a menu they have computer printouts
landscape all caps, alfalfa sprouts
there’s a special each day of the week
sesame noodles and spaghetti are not unique
Sunny takes your order
she’s so nice
the special on Fridays is chicken fried rice
you can get a grilled cheese for a dollar and change
fits very well into my price range
breakfast is served till ten or eleven AM
I’ve not had the good fortune of being there then
I don’t know what I want
I don’t know what I want
I don’t know what I want
I don’t know what I want
I don’t know what I want
I don’t know what I want
I don’t know what I want
mp3 [3.36 MB] | Appears on Electrocution vs. Henry the Weekday Dunce
if you were a firefly I’d catch you in a jar
I’d let you out for air and food
but I would not let you get that far away
’cause I need the light you provide
and I’m well aware it ain’t free
if something should happen to you, I’ll admit
it would spell out disaster for me
as spirals tear around my head
I hear a symphony of heartbeats rise and fall
my senses overload then all at once just disappear
so what’s there left to do but breathe?
if I were an astronaut I’d bring you home a moon rock
I’d put it on display in my room
with a big red sign that says "look but do not touch"
because I know you can’t be trusted alone
and I won’t be played for a fool
if anything happened to me, God forbid
it would mean only good things for you
a freight train is dropping off its rails
observe the shadows bounce across the canyon wall
this ancient bridge once held the weight of so much more
it looked like a postcard till just now
mp3 [22.43 MB] | Fourth track on Winning Is Rhyming (continuous mix)
one two three
the cops are at the door
get your lowdown rotten faces on the floor
they told me I’d be safe for now
that’s why I’m rattin’ you out
I’m the only drug dealer out in SLC
I mean I got some competition but I’m in the lead
sometimes my day job gets in the way
I work part-time for the DEA
lemme guess, you got money and you’re lookin’ to score
wait, you never even had a cigarette before?
well, listen, if gettin’ high just ain’t your scene
I been gettin’ business from your brother since he turned 18
knock knock
who’s there?
epitome
epitome who?
epitome shouldn’t have eaten lead paint
[what about morality?]
morality, yeah, that ain’t nothin’ but a joke
three quarters of my customers are sanctified church-folk
25 percent are rebellious kids
who look just like their parents but with safety pins through their eyelids
mp3 [4.03 MB] | Appears on Las Vegas or Bust
stop rooting for the hometeam
you make it sound like they’re in it for you
you might as well be watching helicopters flying around
look out
they’re celebrating hard
satellites make sure you join in
back in the day I was a diehard fan
I’m still not quite sure why
when season tickets went on sale I was the first one in line
and that’s where they found me
I was tied up, drugged and made to watch filmstrips
I grew up at the ballpark
some things remind you of more innocent times
the way the lights would turn on before the sun went down
wake up
your memory fails you
the clutter’s just enough to hide the truth
owners pay to have officials make bad calls
away team takes the lead
convince the fans their boys deserve to win
no more empty seats
and like that, it’s a steady flow of cash
Commissioner’s fine as long as he gets his
you’re staying loyal to the hometeam
as if you had a say in where you were born
the doubleheader’s starting so you better put your jersey on
’cause guess what?
the satellites can see you
it don’t much matter where you are
mp3 [2.4 MB] | Appears on Open Mic at the Peliculum Attic Door
markers, pens, crayons and pencils
these are my favorite writing utensils
I get them in dozens
I get them from cousins
and when I’m done
I have fun
Homecoming’s Friday
hope you’re not busy
I got a learner’s permit and I know where you live
they’ll be playin’ all the hot summer jams
the hot summer jams that they dance to
correlative intensification is not, in fact, our self-imposed exile from the denizens of old
but rather, what happens when one contemplates such a juxtaposition
correlative intensification is not, in fact, our self-imposed exile from the denizens of old
but rather, what happens when one contemplates such a juxtaposition
calculus kills me
come over and study
I still don’t know what a derivative is
what use is a mnemonic device?
mnemonic devices only work with a list
erasers are pink
hallways are wide
when I heard that you dumped me I nearly died
how dense I’ve been when you made it so clear
summer flings don’t fly in the school year
mp3 [1.87 MB] | Appears on Times New Reinfeld
I woke up as the protagonist of the first item on a summer reading list
it was all very precise if not quite logical
I had the lingering sense of being watched
and was unsure as to whether I could make my own decisions
my forehead is so smooth and unlined they project monster movies on it in the summertime
viewings which are denied to me
I’m always looking for a puddle or a window or a mirror
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