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(For You) I Pretend to Like Jazz

mp3 [3.2 MB] | Appears on Poorest Almanac That Ever Lived

meeting you was like reading for the first time a poem that doesn’t rhyme
you make me hypnotize the moon
and this is the sum of every lie I’ve ever told, hook line and sinker
for you, for you I pretend to like jazz
for you I pretend to like jazz

listening to anything from 1959 sent shivers down my spine
some days I never left my room
I blew out my eardrums and wreaked havoc on the walls from autumn till winter
for you, for you I pretend to like jazz
for you I pretend to like jazz

for you I bought these horn-rimmed glasses
for you I grew this fake goatee
I use bebop slang when I talk to myself not even knowing what I say even means

after I got through the box set you lent me I read the booklet that came with it
all these mythical figures suddenly seemed to be fountains of hot air and spit
they’re just slicked-up dudes chasing their intellects around
wearing suspenders lest their pants fall down

I don’t like jazz
it’s sensory overload
there’s too many notes
whose idea was it?

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(Of All the Things I Planned For) I Never Planned For Apes

mp3 [4.62 MB] | Appears on re-Itori Pleads the 18th Dimension

I planned for flying saucers
tin foil on my head
I planned for violent burglars
a pistol by my bed
I think myself a superhero
closet full of capes
of all the things I planned for I never planned for apes

I built a metal bunker in case of nuclear war
I checked my house for radon
one kit for every floor
I’ve heard it said that evil comes in many shapes
but of all the things I planned for I never planned for apes

zookeepers were striking and they had my sympathy
San Diego, Brooklyn and Washington, DC
management was stubborn and before you could count to three
the zookeeps freed the animals and threw away the key

if I had a lemon for each mistake I made
I’d fix me a glass of rat poison with a splash of lemonade
that comet cult was wise to depart for heaven’s gates
’cause you’re better off departed than alive with wild apes

I bred a German Shepherd and trained some killer bees
I liquified my assets and wired them overseas
it’s so easy to get mired in philosophical debates
if you’re the type who plans for things I hope you plan for apes

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